glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
