Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
