do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
