its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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