I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
