I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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