I need help removing her.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Holy sore nipples Batman
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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