it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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