two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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