I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
