Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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