Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
