i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
