It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i will never coherently bang her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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