Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
