Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
