Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
