Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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