You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
