Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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