let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
