they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
