So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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