the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
