it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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