Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
