It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
