dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
