How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
