We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
