im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
