JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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