Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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