at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
