I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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