she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
