Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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