I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
