This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
