so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
