Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
