and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
