his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My bed smells like the plague
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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