my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
