Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
