So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
