Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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