I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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