In the future we'll all be gay
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
