spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
