Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
