So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
