Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
