sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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